Dead parrot sketch

woman brought a very limp parrot into a veterinary surgery. As she lay her pet on the table, the vet pulled out his stethoscope and listened to the bird’s chest. After a moment or two, the vet shook his head sadly and said, “I’m so sorry, Polly has passed away.”

The distressed owner wailed, “Are you sure? I mean, you haven’t done any testing on him or anything. He might just be in a coma or something.”

The vet rolled his eyes, shrugged, turned and left the room, returning a few moments later with a beautiful black labrador. As the bird’s owner looked on in amazement, the dog stood on his hind legs, put his front paws on the examination table and sniffed the dead parrot from top to bottom. He then looked at the vet with sad eyes and shook his head.

The vet fussed the dog and took it out, but returned a few moments later with a cat. The cat jumped up and also sniffed delicately at the ex-bird. The cat sat back, shook its head, meowed and ran out of the room. The vet looked at the woman and said, “I’m sorry, but like I said, your parrot is most definitely 100% certifiably…dead.” He then turned to his computer terminal, hit a few keys and produced a bill which he handed to the woman. The parrot’s owner, still in shock, took the bill.

“£150!,” she cried, “£150 just to tell me my bird is dead!” The vet shrugged. “If you’d taken my word for it the bill would only have been £20, but what with the Lab report and the Cat scan…”

Interesting Beer Supply

A recent spam email was offering me the rather desirable possibility of “firmer, lager breasts”. Perhaps the next one will offer a “bigger beer belly” to go with them? Although too much of the old hop juice often leads to brewer’s droop, so the next spam after that will inevitably be for herbal Viagara (sic) or verbal hiagra.

UPDATE for 4th July 2008: did you take part in the Sciencebase Beer or Wine poll yet? Or, read about the beer vs wine debate (apologies for using the same picture of lager breasts on both posts, by the way).